Almost out of week four and I got myself fuchsia-lined lifting gloves. Happy early Thanksgivukkah to me! My hands will be happy about this. I feel like I'm getting a little stronger and my long-lost triceps are reforming. Hallelujah! The protein shakes taste surprisingly delicious and it's super filling so I don't have to binge eat eggs all day.

I'm getting my routine down. Even on days when it's a pain to get up in the morning to work out because it's gross out or I feel gross, I still go. It makes me feel like I did something worthwhile for myself that day. I do scary things like lift barbells on my back without a spotter. And then I feel brave.

Vegas is slowly approaching and I basically feel like a balloon filled with water and protein. I'm terrified of next week when medium intensity cardio comes into all of this, but at least I'll get to cut some of this bloat.

We'll get there soon, baby!

Getting through the past week has been insane! I don't know how people who are busy all the time find the energy or focus to work out. Things at my job got really busy so I had to reorganize my schedule a few times. Working out after work is a) exhausting and b) wicked annoying because it's absolutely packed. Not for me. I'll wake up at 5am instead.

I made it though! Past the 3 week point so I rewarded myself with 2 pounds of 100% vanilla whey protein and a pink blender bottle. That should last me for eons of time.

Just the essentials. 

Yoga Sunday was good today. We stayed in downward dog for longer than 10 seconds this time and she even threw in a few planks. I walked out feel pretty relaxed and was happy to find a radio station playing New Orleans style jazz on the drive home which just felt right on a bright Sunday morning. 

Ooooh my aching legs. Guess I put in work yesterday because I REALLY feel it today. I went into the gym an hour later than usual and I thought it would be pretty empty but it was almost the opposite. Gym traffic slowed me down but in the most frustrating way possible. I was about get my hammer strength lat pull downs on when this guy on another machine goes, "Hey." I was like, if he's trying to start a conversation, he picked the wrong girl so I just look at him and he goes, "I'm using that." Really? From all the way over there? When you still have a few sets to go on the machine you're on now? Seriously, just let me get my set and I'll be out of here. But no. I go, "Sorry bro, when will you be done?" He says, "Four minutes." So basically I watched him like a hawk from across the room until he finished his entire two machine superset. Le sigh.

Anyway, my hands are getting pretty calloused so I'll need lifting gloves soon if I want to keep my baby smooth skin. There's no way to say that without sounding like a douchebag. The guy at the gym told me I should get them before my hands looked like theirs (aka flesh rocks).

The horror.

I also went food shopping for more protein filled foods to keep me satisfied. I got Ezekiel bread. I want to punch myself in the face for it because it seems oh so lame. Like who really eats that and doesn't drive a Prius or two kids named Leaf and Rain? Apparently it's just a bread made with a million different beans so its good for you and has mad amino acids. Currently swallowing my pride with some jam. 

Week 3 is beginning and we're going strong. I'm supposed to be lifting heavier weights this week, like 80% of my max capacity for 10 reps. I feel a little stronger so it doesn't bother me too much. I'm afraid for chest and tri day because last week that wiped me out. Basically any upper body anything wipes me out. Not for long I hope because I'd like to do at least one pull up before I turn 60.

Can't.

 



Anyways today was pretty awesome because that really fit superwoman talked to me today. I literally had stars in my eyes. She goes, "How do you stay so thin?" I was like, "Uh, I don't know really? How do you look like...that? *drools everywhere*" She was like, "I want to look like you." I and I was like, "I want to look like you!" Turns out she's been through some tough medical stuff and has come out on top. I'm basically working out with a bunch or hella cool fighters. When she asked me if my boobs were saline or silicone I wanted to give her a flying high five and pretty much decided that she's going to be my gym buddy.

Tomorrow is back and biceps. Happy lifting!

It's the kick-off of Yoga Sundays! I was joined for the initiation by my sister. Thankfully my gym offers classes and I thought some hatha yoga would be perfect to stretch out my tense and tired muscles. I feel great. I keep a lot of tension in my lower back, shoulders, and neck. There's just something really nice about lying on a block looking at a ceiling breathing and thinking for a few minutes. I feel all brand new and bendy and ready for the week ahead.

Time to enjoy the rest of the day because tomorrow is....

LEG DAY.

Week 2 is complete! I've been crazy busy so I decided that workouts will be done first thing in the morning or else they'll never get done. Today I was up at sunrise for shoulders and abs day. Let me tell you how sore my upper body is. It's the sorest. I can't do simple things like put on pants or reach for oatmeal on my shelf. The struggle is real.

I'm not killing myself or anything. My roommate is convinced that I'm trying to look like Hulk Hogan. I have to remind him that I'm just incorporating weights for overall strength. And so I can look like a smokeshow (VEGAS BABY). Honestly though, I'm following an online trainer. She helps me not look like dimwit in the gym and prevents me from overworking my overeager body.

I'm really excited to have upper body strength because I have slim to none. My legs are my main source of power. They are practically unphased by this whole fiasco.

I was supposed to get protein supplements when I started to feed my ravenous muscles but I'll hold off on that until I've committed to another week of fitness because by then it will supposedly be a habit and it will supposedly be easier to stick to the schedule. My gift to myself is a tub of vanilla whey.

I am totally ready to have the next couple days off as rest day though. Good grief.

There's a funny thing about the gym. It's kind of like a middle school dance. Girls on one side, boys on the other. But here it's girls doing cardio and guys in the weight room. Seeing as I need to be lifting weights, I faced an awkward social dilemma.

Yesterday, I took a walk around to accustom myself to the size of the gym and all the bells and whistles lying about when I saw the room of free weights filled with very fit men. I walked up to the room and looked in and all the men looked at me, and I looked at them, and they looked at me. After a long series of looks I slowly backed away and made my way over to the ladies fitness section.

I turned around because I felt like I was on their territory and I just hadn't earned my way in yet. I was also plain intimidated. I'm not gonna front.

Today, however, I went in.

I'd like to thank my new stripey yoga pants for making me feel like a she-warrior. But mostly it was the Crossfit girl who went in first with her knee-high pink socks.

And I loved it in there. The big fit guys are very nice and offer to help you so that you don't crush yourself by fumbling around with new machines. One guy stared very directly at my ass while I was doing dumbbell rows, but hey, let 'em look. I've got nothing to hide. The women though...they are SERIOUS. I was overcome with fear and reverence when I saw a lady hulk busting it out on the cables. If anything, it is just motivation to become as strong and beautiful as they are. It's cool. Everyone's in there to do what they need to get done and it's all efficient and respectful. I just need to remember to smile more so I can shoot the breeze with the old men when I'm a regular.

Oh, and I'm sore.

Today was the day I chose a gym. And I actually went inside. And it was awesome! It was a stinky, sweaty nirvana. I swear I heard angels singing when I saw the weight room and my long lost friend, the elliptical. 

There's a definite difference in how I feel after today's workout. Increasing dumbbells from a measly 9 (or is it 6?) lbs to 15-20 made me really tired. Like I wasn't sure if I was going to make it tired. And now my arms feel like Gumby's arms. Which is a good sign. Grow, baby muscles, grow!

I would talk about how I'm eating more to grow muscles but it's really that simple. I'm eating more. I feel like the hungriest kid in town. 

Yesterday I decided I'd get some new clothes that would make me look good when I squat and stuff. So I bought them and left them at the counter and didn't realize it until the store closed because I am apparently easily distracted. I figured it'd be a good idea to get what I paid for today or at least prove that I wasn't losing my mind. After checking the security cameras to confirm that I am indeed, an idiot, they gave me a refund. Moral of the story: I shouldn't be allowed outside because my money will try to run away from me when I'm not looking. 

Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. They better get used to seeing this peanut butter covered face at the gym.

I made it through my first week of muscle conditioning. Yay! Then I realized that my 6 (9?) lb weights are entirely too light. Then I realized that I must be frailest kid in town to get tired from a set of lateral raises with 6/9 lb weights.

If I want to see results, I need to pull out the big guns...I have to hit the gym.

The gym: no task seems more arduous. Finding a gym is like a picking a college. They each have their own cultures, you go there with a goal in mind, and then you agree to give them all your money. The pros of going to the gym are that you obviously have an endless supply of equipment, you can train even if its raining or cold, and it's filled with people watching you so you can't punk out. Oh, and you're paying to be there. Hello, accountability.

The only thing that scares me is that people will be watching me. That is a real fear. Going with a buddy is fun because they spot you and make sure you don't look like an idiot. If your form is off at least you're doing it wrong together. I will be going alone and I have to get over it. It's just like the first day of school.

On the up side, I feel like I'm looking forward to working out again. I would like to watch my muscles grow and get stronger and be able to do a pull-up. I may just avoid a little cancer, a stroke or two, diabetes and possibly osteoporosis. I might even have the energy of my teenage self again. That's pretty cool I think.

Today I worked on strengthening my legs. I woke up with an overall feeling of doom. Who really has the time for this? I said. Why must I work out for the rest of my life? I said. Why must I rise so early when I can sleep for another hour? I said. So I woke up, sucked it up and had some breakfast with half a multivitamin. I'm going with half in the morning and half at night because my stomach can't be bothered with the whole thing. Also I'd probably absorb more of the vitamins that way.

Anyway, after hauling my lazy self from the kitchen I threw on some clothes and had a little squat party. I have tiny weights but I can't tell if they're 6 lbs or 9 lbs because they decided not to specify which way you're supposed to look at that number when they made them. Fail. 

Lucky for me, my mood is significantly improved after moving my body for a little under an hour to old school rap. I am beginning to see the light. Hopefully I have enough patience to make it to day 4. 

I've decided to start out with mild muscle conditioning at home so that I don't embarrass myself when I get winded just by walking into the gym. Today I got women's multivitamins and a omega 3-6-9 supplement. Adult multivitamins are just terrifying. They're horse-sized pills that are supposed to make you feel like a shiny new penny, but they always end up giving me indigestion because they're so damn large. I figured it's just the risk I'll have to take for healthy bones and boobs.

I'm one step closer to being the kettlebell-wielding meathead of my dreams. Baby meathead steps.

I am notorious for hardly working out. My doctor literally hates me. I tell her that I work out a couple times a month just to see if I still can, but this answer is not what she wants to hear. Unfortunately, it is also the truth.

I've finally decided that I should be a big girl and put on my big girl sports bra and run a few times a week and maybe lift a weight or two. Because I am only getting older and having diabetes would probably blow my budget and I simply do not have the time to become a resident of Canada which is where I would have to live to cover the cost of being morbidly obese.

Anyway, it's not like I'm overweight or near death or whatever. I just don't want to be surprised when my metabolism magically slows to a screeching halt when my 20s are over. Just planning ahead.

Also I am a cheeseburger aficionado.

Also it would be so nice if I could look like a total bombshell in Las Vegas this winter. Because who wouldn't?